Reden

Speak to the worthesfairfall (Rede zum Werteverfall)

Love worldburger (liebe Weltbürger),
todaytoday (heutzutage) can man say (kann man sagen), is a worth nearto nothing more worth (ist ein Wert nahezu nichts mehr wert).
Take we two example:

Firstens:
If you have a young family and the ass full of this and that (den Arsch voll mit dies und das) and you have white God (weiß Gott) not so many time for the writing from a doctorwork (Schreiben von einer Doktorarbeit), so that you forget perhaps the one or other footnote (die eine oder andere Fußnote), than can it happen – I say ‘can’, not ‘must’ - , that you are your doctortitle faster loose (schneller los) as you can say all your beforenames (Vornamen).

Secondens:
Accepted (angenommen), you make holiday in the house of the man, from whom his woman (von dem seiner Frau) you have become (bekommen) a hole stick money (eine ganze Stange Geld) with nearly the same Zinsen how later (wie später) from the bank after the underholding (Unterhaltung) between the man with the money and the man of the bank, because the man of the woman know the man of the bank and the man of the bank make holiday in the house of the man how you and every know every (jeder kennt jeden).

Also, catch we together (fassen wir zusammen):
As somebody in the ramplight (als jemand im Rampenlicht) must man be a beforimage (muss man ein Vorbild sein). And you must buy you all self (du must dir alles selber kaufen). And on the telephone should you not one other inshy (solltest du nicht einen anderen einschüchtern), and when, then highest for the piep (und wenn dann höchstens vor dem Piep). So goes it not longer wider (so geht es nicht länger weiter.) Let you be said this to you (Lassen Sie sich das gesagt sein)!

Thank you for the tohearing (Danke furs Zuhören).

Rede eines anonymen Bürgermeisters für Bill Gates

Love wihburger, very honoured Mr. Gates from Microsoft,
I know it still like today, there read I in the newspaper, that you expand always more and that you look you around here and there.
And there say I to my wife: This where what for us! With this, said I to my wife, could we catch two fly with one clap.
He becomes cheap worker and a groundpiece
and we have the foot in the door.
Because you, Mr. Gates, have bringed it to what and you have build in a short time a colossal imperium. But attention: Sometimes the imperium knock back! (a little joke on the rand)
But now witfhout joke: You have invested a lot of money in our strukturschwache Region and you will make a lot of workplaces,
and that know we to treasures.
It give always again some, who say: The Gates take his worker out like a christmaschicken. But this goes us nothing on. This must you know self.
But let we this! Sponge over! Speak we from what Angnehmerem and come we now to the gemütlichen Teil: the freebear!
Mr. Gates, we are happy over the togetherworking.
And if you need another time cheap Investitionsmöglichkeiten,
are you us always welcome and you know, where you find us.
In this sense: wider so! Thank you.

Eine (un)mögliche Rede des Bürgermeisters von Oberammergau an Barrack Obama

Liebe Oberammergauerinnen und Oberammergauer, also love Oberammergauerins and Oberammergaurs, dear Mr. Landrat, very honoured Mister Obama.

I’m afraid (Ich bin erfreut), that you are come from America here to us to Oberammergau.

I as civilmaster (ich als Bürgermeister) make since long time thinkings to myself (mache mir seit langem Gedanken) about this and that: And now is it so wide (jetzt ist es so weit). I call you welcome here in the middle of the beautiful Bavarialand.

The president of so a big country here by us. This has what (Das hat was)!

As you perhaps know: Once upon a time there was a president from America. His name was Kennedy. You know it? And this president was in Germany as you are today in Germany, too. A short time after it he was murdered. Ham’s ‘n daschossn. We hope, that it goes not so to you (dass es Ihnen nicht so geht). And he said, before he was murdered: “Ich bin ein Berliner”, because he was in Berlin at this time. And you are here in Oberammergau. And because of this would we be happy, if you could say nachher to the cameras: “Ich bin ein Oberammergauer.” This would be a nice train from you (ware ein netter zug von Ihnen) und would us guarantee the Bettenbelegung for a lot of years and bring us out of our wirtschaftliche Talsohle. But let we this (lassen wir das)!

I come now to the ground of our invitation (zum Grund unserer Einladung) of you:

Mister Obama: We want be the first place, who gives himself the name after you (wollen der erste Ort sein, der sich seinen Namen nach Ihnen gibt), because are famous and we want be famous, too. And before others do this, we do it. We name our place after you (Wir benennen unseren Ort nach Ihnen): We in Bavaria say: The early bird catch the wurm (Der frühe Vogel fängt den Wurm).

In the future this is not longer Oberammergau, sondern Obama-gau!